Tech Mentat

Since you seem to be having so much trouble defining yourselves (what you are good at and where you stand), I thought I might write you a letter to help you better understand yourself… and maybe give you some confidence along the way.

Uncle MSN: It’s been a long time since we talked. Long ago (when I was young and ignorant) we used to be best buddies. I would use your parent operating system and occasionally use your search when I was too lazy to leave your site after I was done checking my hotmail account (boy, remember the days when having a hotmail account meant something?). Nowadays I see you and your trying so hard to be something your not - a hipper, more extreme version of what you should be. Listen, let’s level Uncle MSN… you’re the old rich uncle. You are the guy that I call when I need a good interview or when I want to impress my new rich friends and make it seem like I was born into money. Sure, we don’t talk much and I have really had a good conversation with you in years but that’s OK… we are still family and quite honestly it would be foolish of me to completely forget about you. But do us all a favor and don’t try to impress us by trying move in on liquid web development; you’re an old, rich corporation - just give us sturdy applications we can count on. You’ll get your money.

Brother Google: What a love-hate relationship we have had! You have always been the one that mother liked best (at least publicly) and I can see why. You’re the stand-up sibling that never did wrong and we all knew you were the golden child from the beginning. It’s part of the reason I hate you - you always did the right thing, never took a risk that wasn’t calculated, nothing was luck, it was all part of a long term (well thought out plan). And the worst part is… you’re likable. At least if you were perfect and smug then I could hate you but you are always finding away to make me smile. Sure, I am suspect of a lot of your behavior, I think you told mom somethings about me and got me in trouble AND I think that YOU were the one that threw out all my burnt DVD’s but still I can’t fault you for it. As long as you are always working hard and doing good work you have my support. BUT the day you think you are more than just a hard-working, pristine machine… you better think twice b/c we only love you as much as you work (benefit) for us.

Sister Yahoo: The creative one! You’re the one I think mother always REALLY loved but she never wanted to admit (only on your death would she admit that fact). You’ve always done what we wished we could have done (but never had the gall). We have so much love for you in our heart and have always supported you in our thoughts, even when we thought your product was less than desirable. You’re out there and we love it! Lately, though it seems like you are questioning why you are so great and why we all love you. If I have any advice Sis, I would say that will all the great things you have done in the past and with all the great things you have been doing… stay the course. You may think that we don’t love you as much as everyone else but the truth is that we love you more deep in our hearts.

ASK: The bastard of the family. Seriously buddy, I have always hated you. You started out so promising but you lied to us. Remember when you told us that we could ask you any question and then you would give us the answer? Remember? Well what happened is that we asked a question and you gave us shitty SERP results. You lied! So why do I still talk to you, why do I even acknowledge your existence? Because despite all of your lies and shortcomings, you remain. You were never given any love, you were never given any support, you are the true underdog… and yet your language and campaigning is bold. I have so much respect for that… so I will keep in contact with you and hope the best. But this time, if you lie to me or screw me over… we’ll run you bankrupt.

In closing, I hope you guys can now see where you all fit. Just like a normal family there is no ONE person that can fill all my interests. What I would like you to learn is that you should be yourself and not always try to be someone else.